i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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