I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
