we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
