you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
