At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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