Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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