I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
