Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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