Someone shit on the floor
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
