just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
