Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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