He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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