Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
