I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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