bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
