Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
