I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
