Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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