Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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