dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
