According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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