so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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