I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
