pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
