A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
