im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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