If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
