I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
