Welp...herpes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
