Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
