My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
