I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
