I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
