I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
