I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I want is dick and wine.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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