the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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