genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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