hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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