I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He felt like a one man threesome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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