I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
