I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We got so high we made milksteak
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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