Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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