This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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