We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
