U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
