we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
