I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
