Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
