bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
