After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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