I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
