Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
