My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
