We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
