What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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