I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
