STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
