Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
