Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
