you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
