Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize