when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
