Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
