We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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