boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
