it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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