Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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