I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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