i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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