best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
