dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
