How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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